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So, not to confuse anybody, but the update previous... was
supposed to go out on tuesday night. whoops. i am now in
naperthrille illinois... a quiet yuppie suburb south west of
chicago. it's where i grew up and it's a wonderful place to be
from... i come back often to see my family, and more
importantly my godson - sunti, my friend michelle, and to go on
dates with heather...
our dates seem to be a bizarre mix of the same things... and
somehow i'm not sick of them, i thirst for more. last night, i
met her at her house, we picked out movies (truman show, and the
original ocean's 11) and we spent the evening watching ocean's
11. today, after she worked, she picked me up, we went to
TGIFriday's for drinks and appetizers and long conversations.
tonight, we discussed love. sometimes it's nothings, sometimes
it's futures, who knows... because of our conversation, we had to go
rent 'only you' or something like that... marissa tomei, robert
downy jr & bonnie hunt...
at one point, a girlfriend told me that she believed that each
person, has a soul mate... somebody who is literally, made for
you. and that if you live a good enough life, instead of
passing each other on the street, you bump into one another and
romance ensues...
personally, i'm more of the opinion that as we grow, each person
takes a shape from their surroundings, and the results of their
actions... people come and go, but you keep the ones that fit your
shape. now, it's unlikely to be a perfect fit. and so,
when you become a couple, you start to grow into a new shape,
filling in the gaps and making a better fit.
Heather thinks that's all well and good, but seems too
scared of the self interest portion of a relationship. when
two people become a couple, there isn't just 'you' and 'me' there's
also 'us.' every decision is a balancing act between
what's right for 'you,' 'me,' and 'us.' decisions made for the
greater good may call for sacrifices by the invidual(s). and
that seems to be too far of a leap for her. i'm don't think
she believes in altruism, or thinks an individual can put their
interests aside.
And that kind of scares me. can a person who doesn't
believe individual sacrifice in a relationship can happen, make a
sacrifice themself? she asked later, if she had disqualified
herself for my attention, if she was still worth chasing. i
had to tell her not necessarily... if she finds love, and recognizes
it, then that man will be very lucky. but if she finds love,
and doesn't trust it, then that man will be very un-lucky. but
either way, she's definetely a great person, and worth
knowing...
another point she made was, couples either tend to be very
romantic and then end up sick of each other, or romantic and then
end up being familial (like brother and sister). i think real
love isn't just one of these, but all. but not at the same
time. sometimes it's passion & romance... others is good
friends... sometimes it's anger and a need for space and
understanding... and others, the deep trust and reliability that
loving brothers and sisters have.
i sometimes wonder how people with out role models, develop these
roles into a helathy mix. i feel very blessed for the
wonderful role models my parents have been, and deep relationship i
have with my sister(s).
we watched the movie on my laptop, and when it finished, lay on
the bed for a while... we talked some, but mostly curled up
together. i'm sure she fell asleep several times... i can't
get over that feeling. definetely one of my all time
favorites. it's a curious mix of trust and other emotions, to
fall asleep in the arms of another person. i can relate to Katie from
EC from having had my nephew and godson fall asleep in my
arms... but a grown person you care about is a different
story. i would highly encourage it to those who haven't done
so yet. those who have, go curl up and take a nap together...
happy blogging
-BG
Posted by BG on 3/22/03; 3:26:25 AM
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