Change is one of those funny things, and unless reflected upon, it has no meaning. I can see so much of it around me that if I squint just right... tilt my head just so... it becomes the static of everyday life. Ignoring and filtering that static reduces life to tedium.
I feel like that might be important enough to repeat and rephrase. (That statement will feel absurd in a second.) Ignoring and filtering out constant change reduces life to tedium.
What felt like a big revelation just became a horribly obvious statement. Removing the peaks and valleys of a squiggly line reduces that line to boring flatness. I'm an absolute genius, ya think?
I'll stop thinking, and just relate the things that have been frolicking around my head for a few weeks.
Life seems to be forcing a series of issues like change, and purpose in life. I know a fair number of people who have made or are about to make a very large change in their life. (and oddly many of these changes seem to involve moving to, or returning from Egypt...) I'm also regularly confronted with another group which are locked in a to the death struggle with their career and job. The penalty for losing that battle is quite dire.
Beyond that I've encountered Paul Graham's essay about "
how to do what you love." And pushed it to friends who've responded with anger or apathy. Further, in my philosophy class we've talked about having purpose to life. I was even inspired enough to read 'The Myth of Sisyphus,' by Albert Camus, in our text.
Camus says that the one true philosophical question in life is suicide. If life is meaningless, then why bother?.. The lesson I draw from his essay is that although life is generally lacking meaning, the whole point is to find our own purpose. It's that tension between two opposites that keeps us going, and gives us something to pull or push against.
Another way the issue of change is being forced is how my journey towards a bachelors degree just keeps getting more interesting. I'm debating a whole separate post decrying the UIC admissions office and their uncanny ability to screw me over. But I also seem to have found a program at
DePaul which might work for me. The college within DePaul is the
School of New Learning and is geared towards adults.
The interesting concept is that this program doesn't punish me for taking classes at another university. Most schools do this to transfer students by not accepting credits or creating other barriers to the degree.
Instead this program will reward my experience by letting me design my own degree. Under the advisement of a staff member and a professional in my area of study, we design a curriculum that meets the university's standards and my professional goals. Many of the classes I've already taken are applicable to both sets of requirements. There will be less time spent fulfilling bureaucratic controls: thus shortening the amount of time, money and effort needed to earn a Bachelors degree.
And so, with my future regaining some luster and shine, those questions of change and purpose start hitting close to home. My friend, who reacted violently to the Paul Graham article, questioned why I'm not freaked out by getting such a late start on life. My situation is fortunate in that I've been supported by my family. Other people in the same situation would have been forced into a low wage, low opportunity job to suffer a long and painful life. I have one of those jobs, but my support network affords me the luxury of being able to overcome that situation by continued education.
Honestly, I am a bit freaked out, but why should that paralyze or discourage me? I'm quite curious to see what happens next.
